The illusion of being perfect

This is What Perfection Looks Like

Perfection is the most sought after elixir a lot of us chase constantly. The perfection of career, the perfection of motherhood, the perfection of duty towards parents, the perfection of life in general. And some of us spend a lifetime chasing this.

Perfection is defined as "having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be". If you read it again you realize how insane it sounds to achieve this. I think there's nothing wrong with wanting perfection. The cheat sheet  is to change the definition of to as is "humanly possible to be"

What if we stopped seeing learning, growing, feeling emotions, and flailing while we learn, as imperfect? Instead what if all of that was indeed perfect? If we held the entire human experience as a continuum in perfection, then you are a pretty perfect version of yourself!

What if love and curiosity fueled our growth and not a constant need to be better than someone else? What if we could expand for the sake of experiencing the world in new ways, and not to be better than someone else?  

We are amazing creatures constantly evolving. We are capable of constantly synthesizing experiences, falling in the moment, falling out of the moment, falling from the moment, falling into the moment.

“I’m perfect.”

Maybe you wonder if you don’t have anything to offer the world. Maybe you feel worthless.

If you have ever felt any of those things, I want to challenge you with this:

Do more of what you love. Do it as often as you can.

Set aside the expectations and pressures and made-up standards the world has to offer and do what fills you up. Don’t do it to make a paycheck. Do it because it makes you whole.
You are not checking a box. You are not taking a test. You are doing what you love.

You are perfect.

Why perfection isn’t perfect

We’ve let ourselves become obsessed with this word “perfect”. It creeps into our search for the perfect job, the perfect partner, the perfect house, and the perfect hairstyle. And what do we get landed with instead? A 9–5 that pays the bills, a spouse who ticks enough boxes, a white picketed home just like the neighbours’, and a hairdo that we hope will hold ‘til the next fad flings into fashion.

Our pursuit of this so-called perfection keeps us out the arena where the real action happens and locked in the toe-tapping, time-ticking waiting room.

As always, Dr Seuss describes it best:

The Waiting Place…
for people just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite.
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
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Too many of us are waiting for this thing called perfect to light up our lives, give purpose and polish to our work and make us feel fulfilled that what we have created is of true value. When we have piqued at this point of perfection we know we have made it. But how many great artists would describe their works as perfect? Those who have made it to the other side of the rainbow know full well that the pursuit of perfection is a fruitless battle. Because? Well it’s simple. There is no such thing as perfect.

This guise of perfection is in fact the procrastination wolf dressed as a virtuous white lamb. It is an excuse for a half-painted canvas, a two chapter novel in an eight chapter outline, an unticked task in the ever-growing task list. It wasn’t the perfect moment, it wasn’t the perfect scene to paint, the main character just wasn’t perfect enough. We leave work undone because we fear our fall from this apparent pedestal of perfection.

Your imperfect work is far from failure, it is blessed with an insurmountable amount of character. Anything mishapen, miswritten, or mismatched is swathed in a uniqueness nothing else can compete with. Our world will be a far better place with a little more character to brighten up its corners, celebrating its creases, creeks and crooks.

How I Broke Up With My Perfectionistic Self

An insane addiction to perfectionism has destroyed a lot of opportunities that have come my way. Everyone has some trait preventing them from moving forward in life. My biggest flaw is a two-pronged, self-sabotaging sword: perfectionism on one side and the inability to finish anything on the other. Both of these weaknesses are based in fear. I’m afraid to finish anything because the thought of creating mediocre work terrifies me. For me, finishing something equals the death of an idea. Finishing a project means that I have given up on it. By not finishing something, I have the opportunity to make it more perfect in the future. But deep down I know I never will complete it because I’m unwilling to accept it in its imperfect form.

If I look at the deeper issue going on beneath the surface, I see a low opinion of myself is at the root. For some reason I am full of self-doubt. I cannot see my own value and strengths. I’m the person who just shakes my head with doubt when someone pays me a compliment.

I’m a harsh critic of my own work and the work of others. This trait prevents me from attaining success. Self-sabotage is a big part of my mental life. My mind edits every thought and makes it very difficult for me to accomplish anything significant. My mind is my worst enemy. This trait is something I’m now aware of and managing.

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One method I’ve been employing lately to deal with perfectionism is tricking my brain into thinking my life is about to come to an end. I ask the question, 

“What have I learned in life that will benefit the most people right now?”

This line of thinking forces me to act in the present moment. It wakes up my mind to the reality that life will end some day. It could even end today. Like many people, I want my life to matter. I don’t want to live a meaningless, forgettable existence impacting no one in the present or future. The great difficulty lies in committing oneself to creating a meaningful life. Desire is good, commitment is better. And even better is consistent commitment.

Focusing energy on solving problems that affect vast amounts of people is a good place to start. Sometimes it’s easier to find an answer once you have removed your ego from the equation. Many of my breakthroughs have occurred once I let go of selfish desires and simply expressed a truth or solved a problem without thinking how it would benefit me personally.

The biggest component to managing my perfectionism is to forgive myself for not being perfect. I am not as scared of making mistakes as I used to be because I don’t allow the mistakes to define my personality. I’m starting to view myself as a student of life instead of an adult who has it together. This shift has had positive effects on my ability to finish projects. Instead of huge amounts of unmanageable fear, I feel excited about the future. I still wake up with fear, but it doesn’t control me nearly as much as it used to.

Whatever you do, internalize this saying: “Good enough and done is better than perfect and pending.”

As Seth Godin’s voice always whispers in my ear, “Ship it! Done is better than good.”

What about you? Have you been putting something off because it might be not “good enough” or you might not “be ready”? How might you let go of perfection and take one step today?